Regret
by s.j. snodgrass
Summary: Alucard finally gets what he has desired, but at what cost? What does he pay for Integra to at last be his?


A/N: I decided to write this as a possible opinion Alucard might if he were to turn Integra into a vampire. Anime set, to prevent complications.

He watched her silently as she lay on the bed. His crimson eyes ran the length of her, and then surveyed her face. She was writhing in the pain of the change, and he could all but see his blood mixing with hers, turning her into more than what she was.

Her face was twisted in agony, and she doubled over in pain, clutching her stomach and gritting her teeth.

Alucard turned away, closing his eyes. It was such a painful process to become one of his kind. He didn't like to watch his master in pain. Or, rather, his new servant.

He felt a twinge of something, then. Regret? Did he perhaps regret taking away her beautiful humanity, making her what she was to become? He snorted. Such a silly thought. She was his now. At last, she was his.

He listened carefully for the next few moments until he heard her cease her convulsions of pain. He stood up slowly and crossed the room. It almost seemed funny how quiet it was now, seeing as this mansion had long since been deserted by those once loyal to it.

He sat down beside her on the bed, hearing it creak ever so slightly at his weight. He reached out a hand and stroked her pale blonde hair, watching as the once dark, Arabian complexion of hers vanished to produce a milky white.

Again, the tiniest flicker of regret.

He ran a hand over her neck, carefully feeling the two holes he had made vanish. Her lips parted, and he took note with pleasure of the two pointed fangs he found there.

Slowly, very slowly, her eyes opened, and focused on him. They startled her, and he almost wrenched his hand back at the new red that stared up at him. His master's icy blue eyes were gone. The eyes that had so many times glared at him in a cold blue light were gone to make way for the crimson ones that reflected his. This revelation stung. Of course, he knew that her eyes would change. He new he would never see those blue diamonds again, but still it hurt. The reality hurt.

"A…lu…card." She murmured, coming to recognize him as she stared up at her new "master".

He smiled at her and helped her to her feet. He waited patiently as she got her bearings, taking amusement in her revelations.

She stumbled to the window and looked out of it. Alucard came up behind her and wrapped his arms around his new eternal lover. She accepted his embrace and turned to face him. She kissed his lips and his neck, exploring with newfound freedom.

Soon, though, Alucard took her hands in his and said, "You need to feed."

She nodded, and let herself be guided through the mansion and outside. He was leading her to a local bar, where he knew an easy kill would be found quickly. However, as he led her along, she stopped. She stopped by a house to see a little child playing with a dog. She cocked her head and approached the child. Alucard stood back and watched with a queer fascination.

She approached the child, and the dog began to growl. She turned her blood red gaze toward the hound, and the dog backed away, growling and whimpering.

The child stared up at her curiously, but she bent down and opened her arms to the child. The child quickly ran into her arms, and was cradled there.

A single phrase ran through Alucard's mind, "Bloofer lady."

For a few moments she cradled the child, rocking it to sleep. Then, with a savage bestiality, she ripped open the child's throat, spreading soft, innocent blood across the ground. Alucard felt himself sickened, for what reason he could not tell, as he watched his dark lover drain the child.

When she had finished, she dropped the child to the ground and licked her fingers. Then she approached Alucard, and he licked the remaining blood from her face. She smiled, but the smile seemed to break Alucard's heart.

The next few nights passed like this. Then those nights turned into weeks, weeks to months, and months to years.

One night, Alucard sat staring at the moonlight, trying to find an escape from the beast he had created. He had many a time pondered how the woman he had loved had changed so much in such a small time span. The woman he had watched grow, had teased, had protected, and fought alongside. She was now a monster. His monster. Too long he had rejected the thought that he shouldn't have done what he did. Too long had he scorned regret. But now, now he was sure he regretted his actions. Because now, he had destroyed the very thing he cared about.

She came to him as he thought, and she sat herself on his lap, kissing his face, his neck. Caressing him as hers. He returned her kisses and caresses, but his heart was not in them. He was not thinking of the red-eyed devil on his lap, but a long ago beauty with blue eyes that scorched his heart.

"Make love to me…" She whispered in his ear, nibbling on his earlobe. He took her face in his hands and opened his mouth to clamp it on hers, but instead stared into her eyes.

He saw reflected in them all his failures, all his misgivings. He saw his old life, his temptations, and he saw hell. And what did hell look like to a vampire? What did hell look like to him? Hell was right here, right now. Hell was having those horrid red eyes staring up at him in lustful surrender, rather than blue eyes glaring up at him in willful determination.

He stood up, spilling her onto the floor, and began to walk away. She grabbed at him and turned him around, asking him what was wrong. Tears slid down her face when she asked what she had done. He heard her shout to him as he walked away from her.

He couldn't face her anymore. He could not stand the guilt he suffered when he looked at what he had done. He could not help but regret that he had tainted her. He couldn't face the anguish he felt when he woke up to see her.

As her image flashed in his mind again, the true image, not the one he had created, he found his first feelings were right. As he found himself longing to be silently ridiculed by smoldering blue eyes, he discovered that vampires do regret, and regret he did.


End file.
